Why Self-Care Isn't Working: A New Approach to Burnout
Burnout and self-care have become popular terms. We hear them on social media, in self-help books, and in podcasts. And it makes sense: burnout is widespread because we’re living in a culture that’s fast-paced, future-focused, and obsessed with productivity and achievement. But why are we still so burnt out despite all of the tools, tips, and conversations around self-care? In this blog post, I’m going to help you understand why, and offer a perspective that will actually help you practice real self-care.
When we think of self-care, we often think of positive and healthy activities like walking, journaling, yoga, and talking with friends. And if you search the term, you’ll find definitions like this:
Self-care involves activities and habits that support your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being — such as eating well, exercising, getting enough sleep, or spending time with friends.
This sounds helpful. But right away, the emphasis is on activities, actions, and habits — all things we have to do. And while these activities can be meaningful, approaching self-care like another task to complete often adds pressure and stress, which can actually contribute to burnout.
The truth is, self-care doesn’t often work because we’re approaching it with a productivity mindset.
Real self-care isn’t just about what you do; it’s about how you do it. It’s a mindset, a way of being. And most importantly, it’s about cultivating presence, attunement, and compassion towards yourself. Because you can be doing all the “right” things, but if you’re disconnected from your body, stuck in your head, and moving through life on autopilot, those activities probably won’t feel nourishing.
True self-care is less about finding the perfect activity or routine, and more about reconnecting with your inner experience, and noticing how you’re feeling and what you need, and then responding with care and compassion.
Too often, we treat self-care like an isolated activity, as something we do after work, on the weekend, or once we’re already burnt out. And we use it to recover just enough so we can get back on track and continue with our busy lives.
We treat self-care this way is because we’ve been taught to compartmentalize. In our culture, productivity is valued above all else, especially when it comes to work and school. So during the day, we push down emotions, disconnect from our bodies, and keep going.
But this disconnection takes significant energy: it takes effort to suppress our inner experience and put up mental and emotional walls. And this is actually why burnout is so common — it’s not just from doing too much; it’s from compartmentalizing and being cut off from ourselves for too long.
So if you’re feeling burnt out and nothing seems to help, maybe the question isn’t “What should I be doing differently?” but:
“What have I been avoiding?”
“What part of me needs my attention?”
These kinds of questions bring you back into connection with your body, your emotions, and your needs. And that’s ultimately what self-care is supposed to do: help you reconnect with yourself.
Warmly,
Sophia
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