The Fantasy Of The Perfect Life
We all fantasize about the perfect life: we dream of the ideal partner, job, home, and family, and wish that this dream could be our reality. But when we get so caught up in the fantasy that we stop appreciating the life we already have, that’s when we suffer the most.
In this post, we’ll explore the fantasy of the perfect life, and the role fantasies play in our lives in general, so we can learn how to relate to them in a way that actually serves us.
Where the Fantasy Comes From
We are constantly bombarded with images of the perfect life. In movies, magazines, music, and especially social media, we see picture-perfect couples and families, dream jobs, beautiful homes, and curated lifestyles. We see people becoming millionaires off TikTok or Instagram. We see people traveling the world, living the van life, building businesses, or creating homesteads from scratch.
Today, it seems like anything is possible if you just believe in yourself and work hard. At least, that’s the message we’re sold.
But where does that message come from?
In the U.S., it’s tied to the idea of the American Dream, which has us believe that anyone can achieve success, wealth, and happiness through hard work and determination.
In many ways, this is a hopeful message, and it can provide motivation, inspiration, and direction. But it also subtly suggests that something better is always out there, that our current life isn’t quite enough.
So we begin to wonder:
Am I settling?
Is this all there is?
Should I be doing more?
Suddenly, our imperfections become glaring apparent. Our lives look messy compared to the polished examples we see online. We notice that we’re not always happy; sometimes we’re disappointed, even bored. We notice we’re still working the 9-to-5 job, sharing a house just to afford rent, navigating relationships with conflict, and not doing the side hustle like everyone else.
We start to question everything including our partner, job, home, friends, and city,, in search of the perfect fantasy we’ve been sold. Maybe we even cycle through one partner or job or home after another. Because we’ve come to believe that once we find the right combination of circumstances, we’ll finally feel happy.
But here’s the truth: perfection isn’t possible, and external circumstances alone don’t create a meaningful life. It’s our mindset, values, and quality of presence that shape our experience.
This doesn’t mean external factors don’t matter. Sometimes we do need to change jobs, leave relationships, or move houses. But if we’re constantly chasing happiness and relying on the outside world to make us feel okay, we’ll never feel content.
How to Use Fantasy to Enrich Your Life
Fantasies aren’t inherently bad. In fact, they can enrich our lives: they can create inspiration, hope, and help us identify what matters to us. They can help us set goals and make our lives feel more expansive and creative.
But they can also distract us from the life we’re actually living.
If we’re not careful, we can start comparing our real partner, job, home, or friendships to the fantasy version, and feel disappointed when reality doesn’t measure up.
To use fantasizing in a way that serves us rather than sabotages us, we have to ask ourselves some questions:
Is this fantasy helping me escape something I don’t want to feel?
Is it pulling me away from the life I actually have?
Am I using it to avoid sadness, frustration, disappointment, or any other uncomfortable emotion?
Often, we fantasize to avoid uncomfortable emotions and truths. Reality feels painful or disappointing, so we retreat into a better version in our minds. But this avoidance keeps us stuck, and the more we avoid something, the more afraid of it we become.
To build a life that feels meaningful and aligned with our values, we have to stop avoiding and instead, turn toward the emotions and situations we’d rather escape, and learn how to work with them.
From this more grounded, present, and less avoidant place, we can begin to examine our lives more clearly. That’s when fantasizing becomes useful as a creative tool that allows us to imagine what’s possible. That’s how we begin to build a life that truly supports our well-being.
Warmly,
Sophia
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